My World. My Mind. My Imagination.

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My Angel Kim KyuJong <3
I kind of want to rant right now. I used to have a blog when I was 15 and I remember I would talk about the most mundane things in the world. But my friends still read my posts and made those mundane thoughts important, even if it was just to say that some things were lame. xD So since I have been anti-social in real life for a while now, none of my friends know about my new found love for SS501. It's not something I really talk about. So naturally I'm feeling frustrated because I have so much to say. 

1. SS501 And Music

I used to say that I wasn't really a K-pop fan just a SS501 fan. It was true for like 5 minutes before I saw the magic of K-pop. It really is good genre of music and the marketing is so clever. K-pop is special and I am happy that it's growing in popularity.

I love SS501 music so much. Their music is fun and catchy and I'm always singing it. I have a knack for languages so I know all their songs by heart. And since music is my passion, I have translated 6 or 7 of their songs into full english tracks of my own writing. I want to study music production, so I figured why not begin by writing since I'm not receiving any formal training. Anything I've learned so far is because of my background in music and my desire to learn all that I can.

I owe SS501 for helping me rediscover my passion for music. I gave up on music when I was 15 due to various reasons. I never even considered getting back into music. The magic of SS501 helped me rediscover a part of myself that I thought was forgotten. So now I am polishing my instruments that have been gathering dust, and taken out my compositions. Most importantly, I am singing again. I am polishing up my voice. I'm even taking care of it again. I want to write a song for them in the future. 

Beyond SS501, k-pop has a lot to offer. I have recently fallen in love with Girls' Generation. I still can't tell them apart, however. I only have eyes for Jessica. But their music is so catchy. It makes me happy to sing their songs. I also like Super Junior. Their music isn't the greatest BUT the boys more than make up for it. There are other artists I have started to like. But the genre in itself is pure genius. 

2. SS501 Couples

I love Double HJ with a passion, and I'm not even a yaoi fan. But I love all the different couples. It's funny how all the members can be paired up together and work. It's so sweet. 

As I got to know the boys and fall in love with them, I realized I am not as open minded as I want to be. For example, while I love Double HJ, I can't see HJB paired up with anyone else. I get the chills and a little sense of revulsion. It's so weird, but I push past those feelings and I can appreciate the different HJB pairings. But with HJL, I don't care. He is a whore. He works with all the guys in such a way that the couples are believable. He even works great with cross overs. Recently, HyunSaeng is awesome. This fandom is saturated with so much HyunSaeng that I couldn't help but fall for hyunsaeng too. 

I am weird. Neither half of double HJ is my bias, Kyu is. I love reading Kyu with anyone BUT at the same time I can't. I am head over heels in love with him, so imagining him gay makes me sad. So in my mind, I have two versions of Kyu. The version of Kyu I am in love with is the real Kyu. The fanfic Kyu, I treat as if he was a made up original character and allow myself to fall for the character so I don't confuse both Kyu's. I know it is very complicated, but my mind IS very complicated. And it is the only way I can love fanfic Kyu. That's why my OTP is not any Kyu pairing. 

JungMin was my almost bias before I fell for Kyu. JungMin is special. He can be the light, or the dark. I like seeing the light side to his character, that's why he is my almost bias. But there is something undeniably magnetic about his dark side to him. He can either be your best friend or your worst nightmare. I love that unpredictability. As a writer, I can see why JungMin is so much fun to write. For me, he is the easiest. He just flows right out of me. I love seeing him with YoungSaeng the most. I don't know why. It's just sexy I guess. 

I had a completely different view of YoungSaeng before I read any SS stories. In my mind, he was kind of shy and insecure. I wanted to pinch his cheeks and then slap him. I can't stand insecurity of any kind. (I still want to slap Kyu sometimes) I wanted to shake him so hard and yell at him. He is so precious. But then I read SS fanfics and saw a whole other side of YS. I was like why is he so OOC but then I realized that the writers might be seeing a side of YS that I hadn't seen yet. So I allowed myself to see him with a new perspective and I was shocked. He is not really that shy, just doesn't feel the need to be in the lime light. He is mischievous and playful and he has this really snarky grin. And he is so cute. 

I am always writing. At the moment, I have 3 outlines for chaptered fics and a crazy amount of one shots planned out. Only 2 one shots are half way typed. Three are in a journal somewhere, forgotten. I write like i'm watching a movie. (It makes sense to me) I see the story play out in my head and I write it down and then once it's over, it's out of my system and feel no desire to revisit it. I am like that when I watch movies/dramas/tv/anime. I see it, and once it's over, it's out of my system. I want to post something so bad because I don't want this fandom to die.

3. Triple S Fandom

In the past, I have always avoided talking to fans or posting my opinions. I am a very opinionated person and I always feel the need to talk and share my thoughts but I hate drama. And fans are so dramatic. I am the type of fangirl that stays quiet. I flail and go nuts in real life and but online I don't care.

There is a reason as to why I do this. Fan Girls are the most scary presence on the internet that I have ever encountered. A fan girl can blow any innocent comment and turn it into a big deal. Once, I commented on a video saying that I liked the villain the show. There were other fans agreeing with me. But one fan turned it into the biggest deal in the world and listed reasons as to why I should hate this person and why I was stupid for liking said person. I was like this O.O. Wow. Creepy. So yea. Many things like that happen all the time. I just prefer to be calm and not hate on anything. What's the point anyways.

So when I learned about K-pop years ago, I avoided it. The fans were loud and mean. I just chose to listen to the music in peace. But doing that doesn't really paint the entire picture of what K-pop really is. That's why my interest in K-pop faded. In order to get the whole picture of K-pop, you have to appreciate the hard work and dedication the artists put out there. The fandom's also play a crucial part in the entire picture of K-pop. It's unique.

In order to break the fandom barrier, I had to find the right one. If I had gotten to know SuJu first, I probably would have never liked SuJu. Since I found SS501 by accident, I got to know the boys first. And I noticed something. The fans were cool. I hate fan girls, and yet I am one. So with Triple S I felt right at home. Only later did I realize that Triple S had that reputation established. I guess fans who like SS501 think alike and are attracted to the same things. :D

I have been writing for about an hour. I have a lot more to say, but I feel satisfied.

If anyone ever reads this, thanks. 


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Totally agree with this <3 Fangirls can be very scary. I think Triple S works hard to keep their good reputation because we all have the same opinion as you...we don't want to cause any trouble for our boys, and at the same time we want to show our support. Being such a small fandom helps keep the drama away.

I'm an old-school green pea (5 years soon!) so I remember the big commotion when Leader-sshi's Boys over Flowers appearances caused the fandom to explode. there was a lot of commotion about newer fans causing us to lose that reputation, but I think even then the new fans still have the idea of being the kind of fandom we want to be. Sure there will always be a few rotten apples, but the good outweighs the bad and that's what's important :)

(Lol I used to be a happy Cassie for TVXQ, then the fandom went cuckoo for cocoa puffs so now I only relate with Polaris, the Canadian Cassie group xD Same for ELF. Like you said, the fandom is crazy!)

I'm so envious of your dream of going into music production <3 Well I think envious is the wrong word, I'm...ecstatic more <3 It's such an amazing dream to strive for, and I personally want to hear a few of your english-translated songs~. I'm a sucker for good music <333 If you were to be a music producer I'd support you 1000% And I think our boys would too. They were always the sort to make others strive for their dreams. They're doing it to me too, so I know what you mean ;)

Pairings take a bit of time to open up to. I can totally understand why you split Kyu as two people xD And technically, fanfiction!Kyu -is- only in fanfiction, same for the others.

Lol I need to stop writing now...I'm actually in class =X I just saw this and wanted to comment <3 /runs

Thank you so much for reading this. :D

Sometimes I have so much to say and I get frustrated. To know that someone actually read my thoughts and agrees with me made my day.

I have so many songs written and I want to sing them all. I really do. I know next to nothing about music production but I'm getting there. I'm going to be world famous one day. I have no doubt in my mind about that. xD

I would so love for you to hear them. I was supposed to post my Get Ya Luv by KKJ on Christmas, as a gift to the fandom. I just wasn't satisfied with my singing. And since it's winter I keep losing my voice. Yesterday, I even sat down to sing and in the middle of recording my voice went out and I lost my lyric journal. I just keep making stupid excuses and delaying the process. Excuses are monuments of nothing-ness leading to a bridge to nowhere. So I promise I will post all of them up. I have like 7 songs fully completed and I have 5 half way completed. I actually like the lyrics I wrote lol.

It's funny how the boys make people do that, strive for their dreams I mean. Even though I haven't been a Green Pea for long, I still love them as If I had loved them from the beginning. I'm actually glad I started to hate Boys Over Flowers when it was popular because Rui was my favorite character and I'm sure some of the bad eggs would have ruined SS501 for me.

I'm glad I found about them during a time in my life when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Since I had given up music, everyone said I should be a doctor. But I hate science. Then they said I should be a teacher, but I have no patience. To put it simply, I had no passion nor ambition. And they inspired me, but it's not the type of inspiration that fades. I just love how our boys can do that. xD


I just read your comment on my story (thanks, by the way) and eventually directed myself this way. After reading this article, I have to ask: are you my twin? A lot of this -- being a fan of SS501 before any other K-Pop group, loving Kyu for Kyu, Young Saeng's desire to not be in the lime light, the unfortunate ridiculousness of some fan-groups, and even the being anti-social for a while and finding inspiration in the group -- all rings true for me as well. Unfortunately, though, I am neither a singer nor a musician, so I can't claim that sort of kinship. *sigh*

I look forward to when you become "world-famous" someday. Maybe by then I'll have found my own passion/ambition and will meet you then in my own "world-famous" way.

I will read the rest of your story I promise!

I feel so touched that you actually took the time to read the ravings of a semi-sane maniac. I am so glad that I am not the only one who sees things the same way. Sometimes I feel so lonely in my lunacy *sighs*

Yey! I have a twin!

I hope you do find your own passion/ambition! I'll see you at the top!

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